In an absolute general understanding, the term ‘aloof personality’ in any human being points out that that particular person tends to maintain a distance from having a social life. They might come off as detached and unbothered. One might even assume them to be self-absorbed or someone who simply gives zero amount of effort in maintaining a social relationship with anybody. Such behavior could simply be a personality trait, or it might be the repercussion of an unfortunate event that could have caused the said person to curl away from putting in the work to be social. It is difficult to fully understand the reason behind someone projecting such an image without knowing their story.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone and aloof from things that one might be disinterested in. And people enjoying and wanting to spend time away from socialites is also absolutely normal. In fact, it’s necessary to spend time with one’s self to have a better understanding of their own existence. So taking time out alone to know yourself better, knowing your goals better, and understanding what helps you and whatnot is an absolute mandate. But people tend to get comfortable with the silence they surround themselves with. And as we all know, too much of anything serves us wrong. So it’s important to create a balance and keep working on it to maintain a social and private life.
Reasons that might cause someone to behave in an aloof manner:
- A very valid reason for someone to act that way could be because of their past experiences. When a child is not provided with the required amount of love and attention by their parents, the trauma that sets in might turn them into someone who consciously chooses to stay aloof as a coping mechanism for their entire life.
- As they never knew the feeling of being cared for, so someone else approaching them in that manner can make them feel awkward. They might not easily reciprocate that affection.
- They might simply be putting up the aloof personality image just to shield themselves from getting further heartbreaks. As it can be excruciatingly painful to re-live such hurtful experiences.
- If someone has been living a life away from having many interactions with other humans, they sure have made that lifestyle their safe space to thrive in. This is why they might not even be bothered to engage in social activities of any sort. As we all can agree that getting out of our comfort zones can be really uncomfortable.
- A person can also simply be shy or reserved in nature, with no triggering past experiences. People with such inherited qualities simply might shut out unnecessary conversations or be aloof from other people. Even though there is a chance to be perceived by others as being haughty, however, that is untrue in cases of some people.
- A person might also act aloof to portray themselves to be someone they are not. They might do that to be perceived by others in a certain way. This will strictly serve as their own benefit.
- People might also act aloof to hint others that they might be hurt and sad or need some space. Sometimes people don’t have the confrontational abilities to deal with certain issues, which is why they choose to simply be closed off.
- There is also one more reason why people might seem to be aloof and that is their immediate environment. If, within their immediate environment they are made to act in a certain way from childhood, that act will become their personality trait with time. Some of course can rebel out but many grow up and continue behaving in that manner.
Ways to Recognize Aloof Personality Traits
- They seem uninterested- People with aloof personality traits might not be very inquisitive about how other people are doing in their lives. They might even be uninterested in listening about others’ life and work events.
- Lacking social cues- People with aloof personalities might act weirdly and awkwardly around people. They might not always say or do the right thing at the right time.
- Small or negligible social circle- maintaining relationships and balancing them in a healthy manner takes a lot of effort. People who already fall on the aloof spectrum might find it very tiring and difficult to have a social circle let alone maintaining it.
- Independent in nature- Staying alone or away from people naturally inbuilt the independent factor in a human. Not needing people to live their day-to-day life is one such attribute to find in someone with an aloof personality trait.
- Uncomfortable in social situations- When one begins to find comfort in their aloneness it gets uncomfortable to be with others. These people are so attuned with their own pace of doing and being that going out of their comfort spaces tends to get difficult for them to cope and adjust.
Ways to be an Ally Towards People with Aloof Personality Traits
- The first and foremost point to remember to not be pushy and controlling with them. There can’t be anything achieved if someone voluntarily chooses to invade the personal space of someone who is showing aloof personality traits.
- It is important to be kind and understanding towards their needs and emotions and make space for them to be at ease within the surrounding. Forcefully making a conversation that they clearly refuse to be a part of will only make the social activity more disturbing for them.
- If there is something that needs to be communicated one must do so keeping in mind that they are dealing with someone who is already unwilling and uncomfortable to deal with social situations. Therefore, there needs to be much more understanding and delicacy in handling a situation like that.
- Without assuming that someone is aloof because they are simply boring or weird or trying to come off as superior, it’ll be much more helpful if one tries to make subtle efforts in understanding the nitty-gritty of a human being who doesn’t necessarily carry a bubbly personality.
Ways to Help One’s Self
The moment it feels like having aloofness as a personality trait is causing someone more harm than good, they must work and try to change or adjust certain attitudes. Slowly but surely, they can introduce changes to help them do better in life. It will, however, take a lot of effort and consistency to overcome certain hurdles. There is no shortcut in eliminating degrading habits. Only discipline and a steady movement towards a set goal can assure success.
Introducing little changes in day-to-day life can truly make the transformation process easier. If one has been aloof for a while, they can’t just become a social butterfly the next day. It takes patience and openness in one’s daily routine to finally reach a sweet, healthy spot. Start with calling up one friend or a family member and ask about their life. Make small conversations with the person you bumped into at a grocery store. Or even simply smile back at the stranger who smiled at you. Take one step at a time and try making this a habit. Make some social contacts and have a chat at the cafe with the waiter. It might seem daunting at first, but the fear will slowly fade away with time.
If there are people that you enjoy talking to, or you relate to, or someone who matches your frequency, it’ll make the process much smoother and interesting. Try to have regular chats with them. Let them know about your day, ask them about theirs. If you need any help or simply someone to be there, reach out or plan a hangout or go out to have dinner with someone you trust and who makes you feel safe.
Things that might be fun to do with someone who has an aloof personality trait:
- Art. Art is one of the most engaging activities to do. To do it alone or with someone is a personal preference. However, the more the merrier. It’s not only about honing perfect skills, it’s about being in the moment and expressing yourself without words. And there is no need for perfection in expressing who you are and how you feel.
- Photography. Capturing moments and elements from our daily life can instantly make us choose to look at the better side of our story. Not only is this activity engaging, but it also helps to build a different perspective than what we see or even fail to notice on maximum days.
- Listening to Podcasts. This works really well. As there is no need to have any conversation but just to listen to what’s being said, this makes it easier to sit through with someone.
- Cooking or Baking. This particular activity can be extremely fun and therapeutic as well. There’s the excitement of doing something together and also making something tasty is quite a catch. Also, there will always be times when you wait for the food to cook while listening to each other talk about things or listening to each other’s playlists.
- Reading Stories. This activity definitely helps to bond easily without creating much fuss. All you need is a good storybook and you’re all set. Stories definitely have the power to move. And if there are no books, be each other’s book for a while and narrate stories from each other’s experiences. It’s a fun process to know each other without having to ask invading questions.
These little social activities can always bring joy. Spending time with people you like and doing the things that you like doesn’t really sound scary, now does it?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be alone and spending time alone. In fact, there’s some sort of serenity that comes from within by being at peace with one’s self. However, there is also a need for social activities and engagements. It is important for growth and support. After all, we are social animals. If there is no interaction with others, there’s a scope of becoming stagnant and set in outdated ways. If there isn’t anyone opposing your views and perspective, there will be no change in outlook. And as we all know, change is the only constant in this universe; hence, there’s a need to keep the doors and windows open to allow changes to take place.
Social activities make life interesting. When there’s a conversation happening between two people exchanging their whereabouts for a day, there can be a lot to learn and bits and pieces of information to share. Social activities sharpen the skills you need to make life easier and even meaningful. There needs to be a balance between “me time” and “us time.” Everyone deserves the space to be themselves and create a pattern of growth. Being stubborn and rigid can never fuel growth. And to keep going in a fast-paced world like ours, growth is mandatory. No one waits for anyone. So to win at life, we all need to engage in social activities and human beings to keep the “life” alive within us.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Is it a bad thing to have an aloof personality? Nothing is bad until and unless it obstructs your growth in life. If it makes you have a healthy life and brings peace to your mind it’s alright to be however and whoever you are.
- How to approach someone who is showing attributes of an aloof personality? Try to be gentle and kind, and approach without invading their personal space. Don’t assume, ask. Be understanding and mindful of their situation.
- How to work on not being aloof? Firstly, take away the power from the situation. If you wish to have a conversation, just do it. Don’t imagine the worst-case scenario in your head that is not real. Whoever you want to talk to is also just another human like you. Don’t give them the power over you.
- Aloof personality trait and being an introvert the same thing? Not necessarily. Being aloof is one of the many personality traits of an introvert. Even an extrovert can show the same trait if they are put in a situation or with people with whom they don’t necessarily enjoy.