Have you ever encountered someone with an abrasive personality either in the workplace, school, or other social situations? They can really be a pain in the neck. An abrasive personality is one of those personality types, just like introverts, extroverts, ambiverts, and the rest. More so, just like any other personality type, there are certain unique traits of the abrasive personality. This article shares valuable insight into what an abrasive personality is all about. Hence, read on to find out all you need to know.
Abrasive Personality
For you to fully understand what abrasive personality is all about, we’ll consider it in bits. Hence, this article will examine;
- What an abrasive personality means and the two categories of abrasive personality traits of an abrasive personality.
- Traits of people with abrasive personalities.
- How to deal with an abrasive person.
Who is an Abrasive Person?
An abrasive person is someone with harsh, cold, and direct behavior. This behavior pattern reflects in how the individual interacts with people around him/her. People with abrasive personalities are mostly termed unfriendly, egoistic, harsh, and aggressive. Generally, there are two types of abrasive personality.
- The unconscious abrasive personality: People under this category are unaware of their personality traits. They do not know that they have an aggressive nature and hence perceive it to be normal.
- The self-conscious abrasive personality: Here, the individual is aware of his/her personality traits and derives pleasure in showing off his/her aggressive characteristics.
Both the unconscious and conscious abrasive personalities have the same traits. Hence, let’s examine what their unique traits.
Traits of the Abrasive Personality
- They are authoritative: People with abrasive personalities can be authoritative, domineering, and impatient; thus, they are not very polite when communicating with others. These personality traits manifest in them out of their desire to be invulnerable to others. Hence, they’re always anticipating an attack on their personality, which is why they defend themselves by being authoritative.
- They are brilliant, analytical, and perfectionistic: On a positive note, people with abrasive personalities are intelligent and are good at analyzing things, people, or situations. More so, they aim for perfection, which makes them result-driven and overly competitive. Due to these traits, they can quickly conclude and pass judgment (sometimes the wrong judgment) or people’s character or harmless situations. This is why they always seem jumpy and harsh towards people around them who are imperfect or do not match their standards.
- People with abrasive personalities are overly direct and honest: This kind of people are the perfect definition of “hit the nail on the head,” They do so without caring if it hurts the other person. It’s a good thing, to be honest, and direct. However, people with Abrasive personalities are way too extreme with their honesty and directness. Due to this unique personality trait, they say what they feel or think is right all the time without caring if their words hurt the other party.
- They lack empathy: Abrasive personalities lack the unique ability to empathize with others. This could be because of their self-absorbed nature. Hence, they’re unable to understand or feel the emotions of others. This is why there are not the best listeners. They can’t hold a conversation with someone and empathize with that person.
- They are narrow-minded: These individuals have a way of looking at the world through a single glass. They’re close-minded, and once they have an opinion of something or someone in their minds, they hold on to it. Most times, other people’s perspectives seem like opposition to their views about life, and when they perceive this, they come at you with all they got to defend their perspectives from opposing views.
- People with abrasive personalities are intolerant of failure and incompetence: Abrasive people can be the best at what they do. This is because of their incredibility intelligent and analytic nature. Also, due to their narrow-minded perspective of life, they believe that every other person around them should be just as good as them. Hence, they tend to be impatient with people who lack competence and are mostly irritated by such people.
- People with abrasive personalities are domineering: Abrasive personalities tend to have a domineering nature. They love to be the center of attraction anywhere they find themselves. Hence, there are fond of stealing the spotlight out of someone and projecting it on themselves. For instance, an abrasive person in a social gathering can rudely interrupt someone talking to make a point and show off his/her confidence and intellect.
- They are pushy and ambitious: Another unique trait of the abrasive personality type is that they’re unnecessarily pushy. They have the habit of going for what they want. This can be a good thing in that it helps them work hard and achieve their set goals. On the flip side, it could be bad. This is true, especially if they’re part of a team, as they would do anything to get what they want, even at the expense of pulling other team members down. Thereby making other people around them collateral damage or sacrificial lambs for the price of achieving success.
- They are most time insecure and tend to project it on others: Research shows that the abrasive nature of people with abrasive personalities may sometimes stem from their feeling of low self-esteem or insecurity. Probably, they had ugly childhood experiences that made them grow up feeling insecure. Hence, in a bid to shield their insecurities from people, they put up an act of being strong, confident, and self-assured. This sometimes affects their social interaction with people around them. For instance, you could see them passing a joke on someone to make the other person feel insecure and less confident.
Overall, these are some of the unique traits that make people with abrasive personalities who they are. As stated earlier, some might be aware of their abrasive nature and will use it to their advantage negatively. On the other hand, some might be completely unaware of how their behavior negatively harms others around them. Nevertheless, there are ways of dealing or interacting with an abrasive person either in the workplace, school, or social gatherings. Let’s examine some tips on how to deal with an abrasive person.
Tips on How to Deal with an Abrasive Person
Either as a manager dealing with an abrasive person as a member of your team or a colleague, or you happen to be in an interpersonal relationship with an abrasive person, here are some suggestions on how to handle an abrasive person.
- Firstly, figure out their type of abrasive personality.
When trying to solve a problem, it’s best that you properly understand the problem. This is so that you know how best to solve it. Hence, the first thing you should do is to figure out the type of abrasive personality.
- Does the individual know that he/she is that way (negative, harsh, and aggressive)?
- Does the person enjoy being that way and derives pleasure in hurting other people’s feelings?
- Or is the person completely unaware of how bad his/her behavior is towards others?
When you’ve established the kind of abrasive personality the individual has, it becomes clearer how to handle it.
- Help them see the reality of their behavior by having a direct and honest conversation with them.
This is mostly applicable to people who are unaware of their abrasive tendencies. Hence, having a conversation with them about how their aggressive behavior affects you and others around them might help them change their negative attitude and relate with you more subtly. Likewise, this approach will most likely help if the person is aware of his/her abrasive attitude.
For instance, if the person is an employee or a team member, as a manager or team leader, you could have a conversation with the individual stating clearly how his/her behavior is harming the rest of the team, urge him/her to stop such behavior, and let the individual understand the consequences of indulging in such abrasive behavior again.
- Take advantage of their good qualities.
As said earlier, abrasive people can be knowledgeable, analytical, and competitive. These qualities could be used to achieve positive results if put to good use and channeled appropriately. For instance, as a manager with an abrasive person as a member of your team, you could encourage an abrasive person’s competitive nature by giving him/her challenging projects to handle. Thereby making them work to be productive and efficient in what they do. This will make them feel good about themselves and also lead to the growth of the business.
- Avoid Confrontation.
While you might not be able to control other people’s emotions, you certainly can control yours. This is why if you’re stuck in a working or personal relationship with an abrasive person, it’s best to avoid confrontation.
This is because they’re extremely manipulative, and even when they’re in the wrong, they have a way of shifting the blame on others and playing the victim. Hence, when an abrasive person gets on your nerve, approach the situation positively, rather than losing control of your emotions as it will only make things worse.
- Cut them off.
Abrasive persons can give off a lot of negative energy due to their aggressive and harsh behavior. While you might try to be a better person and condole their negative behavior, their negative attitude can be bad for your overall well-being if you continue to condole them.
What if they’re unwilling to change and treat people better? Then it’s time to let them go. As a manager, allowing the abrasive person to continue to treat other team members negatively would affect the team’s productivity. As such, you need to let such people go.
Conclusion
Overall, you could reap off all the good benefits of abrasive people if they’re willing to let go of their bad attitude. For instance, an abrasive person’s confidence tempered with a little bit of empathy and modesty could be very admirable. Furthermore, their domineering nature could make them great leaders. If they can balance it up will a little bit of tolerance and understanding. Likewise, as perfectionists, they strive to achieve the best results in whatever they do. This quality could be quite good for any organization, especially if they’re head of a particular department. They’ll have the unique ability to continually push the team members towards achieving organizational goals and striving for progress.
Their critical and analytical nature also gives them the unique ability to think critically about situations. Thereby making them innovative and great problem-solvers. Hence, people with abrasive personalities are not all bad. They could be great companions, friends, team members, colleagues, or leaders if they’re willing to realize their flaws and change for the better. Likewise, most abrasive people develop their negative traits or behavior patterns out of a deep sense of insecurity and low self-esteem, which could be traced to their childhood experiences or other bad events in life. Hence, their abrasive nature is more or less like a shield, a wall of defense that they put up to make them less vulnerable to others’ behavior.
Being around them can be really difficult. However, if they are willing to listen and change their negative behavior, they could become incredible people with many admirable qualities. I do hope this piece has helped make you understand the uniqueness of the abrasive personality. Interestingly 1 out of 10 people you come across will have this kind of personality. Hence, don’t be quick to judge them. There are better ways of dealing with an abrasive person, as has been explained in this article. When you notice an abrasive person rather than approach the person with negative behavior, try your best to maintain a more positive outlook and be positive towards them. This way, you stand a better chance of making them change rather than being hostile towards them.
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