Sharing work-related strengths for a reference helps a former manager or colleague give a specific, credible account of how you work. The aim is not to script praise or make someone claim things they have not observed. Instead, identify strengths that fit the opportunity, provide examples the reference can honestly confirm, and make it easy for them to describe your contributions. Before you begin, know who will contact the reference, what kind of role or opportunity you are pursuing, and which people have agreed to speak on your behalf.
What You’ll Need
- A current résumé or a brief record of your main responsibilities and achievements.
- A description of the role, promotion, project, or other opportunity the reference is supporting.
- A willing reference who has worked with you closely enough to discuss your work accurately.
- A few concrete examples that show how you used particular strengths, including the context and result.
- Permission to share the reference’s contact details, along with any relevant instructions about how and when they may be contacted.
Step-by-Step
- Clarify what the reference is for. A reference for a customer-facing job may need to speak to communication and service. A reference for a technical role may be better placed to discuss problem-solving, attention to detail, or collaboration with specialists. Read the opportunity description and note what it emphasizes. If the reference is for a general employment check rather than a specific vacancy, focus on strengths that reliably describe your work across situations. Do not assume the person knows the purpose; explain it plainly before they agree.
- Choose strengths the reference has actually seen. Think about work you did together, feedback you received, and responsibilities the person observed directly. Useful categories include communication, reliability, organization, adaptability, initiative, teamwork, judgment, and technical skill. Pick strengths that are both relevant and supportable. A former supervisor may be able to describe how you handled deadlines, while a close project partner may know more about how you shared information or resolved disagreements. The best reference is not necessarily the most senior person; it is someone who can speak from experience.
- Make each strength specific. Broad labels such as “hard-working” or “a team player” are difficult to evaluate without an example. Add a short description of what you did. For instance, instead of offering only “organized,” explain that you kept shared project records current and flagged missing information before a handoff. Instead of “good communicator,” say that you translated technical updates into clear next steps for colleagues. Keep the wording accurate and avoid upgrading a modest contribution into a sweeping claim.
- Connect strengths to evidence. For each quality, recall a situation, your action, and a result that can be described without exaggeration. A strength might be problem-solving: you noticed that requests were being delayed, clarified the source of the confusion, and helped the team agree on a consistent process. The reference does not need to repeat your version word for word. Evidence simply gives them a useful memory to draw on and helps their comments sound natural. Where a result is hard to measure, explain the practical effect, such as fewer misunderstandings or a smoother handoff.
- Prepare a concise reference brief. Send the person your current résumé, the role description, the relevant dates or projects you worked on together, and a short list of strengths with examples. A brief is a memory aid, not a speech to recite. Mark which details are especially relevant and invite the reference to use their own words. If a claim is uncertain or outside their knowledge, make clear that they should leave it out. This protects their credibility and yours.
- Ask directly and give them room to decline. Contact the person privately and ask whether they are comfortable providing a positive, work-related reference for the opportunity. Be clear about the type of reference and the likely contact method, if known. Asking whether they feel able to recommend your work is more useful than assuming that a polite yes means enthusiastic support. If they hesitate, thank them and choose another person rather than pressing them. A willing reference is more likely to give a thoughtful and fair account.
- Agree on practical details. Confirm the name and contact information you may share, the relationship to describe, and any limits on availability. Tell the reference when you submit their details, and provide updates if the process changes. Do not promise that an employer will ask about particular strengths; reference questions vary. If the reference prefers to confirm only basic employment details, respect that boundary and find someone else for a fuller account of your work.
- Follow up courteously. Once the process is complete, thank the reference and let them know the outcome if you are comfortable doing so. If you are still waiting, avoid repeated messages unless there is a genuine time-sensitive update. A thank-you recognizes the time and effort involved and helps maintain a professional relationship. Keep a record of who has agreed to act as a reference so you can check with them again before sharing their details for a future opportunity.
Common Mistakes
Listing generic adjectives without proof. Words such as “motivated,” “creative,” or “dependable” can be useful prompts, but they do not show what happened at work. Pair each selected quality with an example the reference may remember. The example can be short; the important part is that it reflects something observable rather than a self-assessment presented as fact.
Choosing strengths only because they appear in a job description. Tailoring your brief is sensible, but claiming a quality the reference never saw can put them in an uncomfortable position. Choose the closest genuine evidence instead. If the role asks for leadership and your reference saw you coordinate a small project, describe that accurately rather than implying you managed a department.
Assuming consent or putting someone on the spot. Do not list a person’s name and contact information without asking. A former colleague may have changed roles, have limited availability, or prefer not to provide references. Ask first, explain the context, and accept a refusal graciously.
Trying to control the reference’s answer. A preparation note should help someone remember your work, not tell them to repeat a fixed script or conceal relevant facts. References need to be able to speak honestly. If you are concerned that a person may not be supportive, do not try to coach them into praise; consider another suitable reference.
Overloading the brief. A long list of every accomplishment can bury the strongest examples. Share a focused selection that matches the opportunity, and give enough context for the reference to recognize each item. Keep private or sensitive information out unless it is necessary and appropriate to share.
Tips
- Use clear, everyday language. A reference should be able to understand your point quickly and describe it in their natural voice.
- Separate personal qualities from work behaviors. “Reliable” is a quality; meeting agreed deadlines and communicating early about a delay are behaviors that help demonstrate it.
- Include a balanced range of strengths. Pairing technical ability with collaboration, for example, can give a fuller picture than listing several similar traits.
- Choose examples that fit the reference’s perspective. Someone who worked beside you may describe teamwork, while a supervisor may be better placed to discuss priorities and follow-through.
- Be ready to explain how your strengths transfer to a new setting. A reference can confirm past behavior, while you can explain how that experience relates to the opportunity ahead.
- Keep the tone factual. Share what you contributed and what changed, without taking credit for other people’s work or claiming sole responsibility for a team result.
- Check names, role descriptions, and contact details before sending a brief. A small factual error can make an otherwise useful note harder to use.
Troubleshooting
The reference does not remember the example. Send a gentle reminder with the project, approximate period, and your specific contribution. Ask whether they recall it and let them decide whether it is useful to mention. If they still cannot verify the detail, remove it from the brief or ask a different person who observed the work.
The person agrees but seems uncertain about recommending you. Thank them for being candid and ask whether they would be comfortable providing a neutral confirmation of your role instead. If you need someone to discuss strengths, seek a reference who can do so confidently and honestly. Do not interpret a reluctant agreement as a promise of a positive account.
You have limited recent work experience. Consider a former instructor, internship supervisor, volunteer coordinator, or project lead if they can speak to relevant work habits and have agreed to be contacted. Explain the relationship accurately. Do not describe a personal acquaintance as a professional supervisor or imply that unpaid work was paid employment.
Your strongest example involves confidential information. Remove client names, private records, and internal details. Describe the work at a high level, or use a different example. If even a general description could reveal sensitive information, leave it out and ask the reference what they can appropriately discuss.
The reference is unavailable or does not respond. Give them reasonable time, send one polite follow-up, and make another plan rather than relying on an uncertain response. Ask a different willing reference if needed, and update any application materials or contact details that name the unavailable person.
You and the reference remember a result differently. Do not ask them to repeat a disputed claim. Check your own records, correct the brief, and use wording that both of you can support. If the difference cannot be resolved, leave the result out and focus on the actions the reference did observe.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are good work-related strengths to share with a reference?
Choose strengths that matter to the opportunity and that the person has observed. Examples include clear communication, reliability, organization, adaptability, teamwork, sound judgment, and relevant technical ability. Support each one with a brief, accurate example.
How many strengths should I include?
There is no required number. A short, focused selection is usually easier to use than a long inventory. Include enough examples to show what matters for the opportunity, and leave out qualities the reference cannot confirm.
Should I tell my reference exactly what to say?
No. Give context and reminders, but let them choose their wording and speak honestly. You can point out the role’s priorities and examples they may remember, but should not ask them to make claims they cannot support.
Can I ask a coworker instead of a manager?
Yes, if the coworker worked closely enough with you to discuss your contributions and is willing to act as a reference. Describe the relationship accurately. A colleague may be especially useful for examples of collaboration, communication, or shared project work.
What if my reference can only confirm basic employment details?
Respect that limit. Ask whether they are comfortable confirming your role and time working together, then find another person if you need someone to discuss specific strengths. Do not pressure a reference to provide comments beyond what they can verify.
Should I share a weakness or a mistake with my reference?
Do not ask a reference to hide relevant facts or give a misleading account. If a past challenge is likely to come up, prepare an honest explanation for your own conversation and choose references who can describe your work fairly. A brief should focus on relevant, supportable strengths without pretending your work was flawless.