Have you found yourself wondering why you tend to tear up when someone yells at you or scolds you? People often call you weak just because you begin to cry when such a situation occurs. It is going to be enlightening for you to learn that they are at fault over here. Today’s topic- Why do I cry when someone yells at me?
Crying because someone is yelling at you or scolding you is because of the simple and uncomplicated fact that you are either hurt by the kind of behavior they are portraying towards you or that you are probably put into a situation where you don’t know how to react, or you’re simply stressed, and that has got nothing to do with the fact that an individual is strong or weak. There are no grounds for literally anybody to decide and define what you are at the end of the day.
In this article, we shall further ponder over this topic.
Why do I cry when someone yells at me?
State of Mind:
As previously mentioned, you are probably stressed in a situation where you know not what to do; you are in a position where you feel like everything in the universe are simply contributory factors that are leading you to your doom, or that anything you do simply does not matter to anybody, that everything is crashing down before you and all you can do at that moment is stand there and watch it all collapse.
This kind of situation occurs at least once in every person’s life; It is that, when you feel like you are just not in control of your emotions or legit anything in general and it is expected of you to stay your strongest in these situations, otherwise the social construct is simply going to make you consciously or subconsciously believe that you are weak and that you deserve nothing but the worst.
Social Constructionism is one concept that paints a clear picture of what society views as good and bad or acceptable and unacceptable.
It is this Social Construct that leads us to what we believe, and once you consciously disregard these long owned ideas of the society and decide for yourself what is true and what is not and the things that are good and bad for you, is when you’ll achieve your true identity. You can then own the person you are instead of being a puppet of minds that don’t work and are designed for negativity and gossip.
The concept of sensitivity is not the hardest to understand. It simply translates to the idea that you might get defensive when placed in a situation that doesn’t particularly favor you. For example, in these uncalled situations, you may use crying as a defense mechanism to let the other person realize that you’re uncomfortable and wish to be left alone.
When we talk about an individual being sensitive, we also talk about scalar quantities, i.e., that which can be measured. How much sensitivity is too much sensitivity? How would you define too much?
Your emotions are not your teeth, that you randomly once decide to have an ice cube for dinner, and you die out of all that pain (metaphorically) and decide that your teeth are ‘just too sensitive’ for ice cubes. Emotions don’t work that way. There is more to emotions than just giving it a definite binding that it could be measured with the amount of pressure you can handle. Whether or not you survive, while the pressure keeps building up, if you get through that torture after all of that too, you’re a strong individual, and if not, you’re as good as dead. NO. This is what we call a myth in its most falsified formatting.
Emotions are something that can be your strength and, if not channeled efficiently, would lead you to the lion’s den too.
When we talk about channeling our emotions, we talk about NOT suppressing them but rather facing them with a more positive approach. Unfortunately, most people do not know how or where they could channel these emotions and end up getting themselves into a vicious cycle of depressive means to cope and self-sabotage, from which they begin to believe that there is no coming out.
Here are a few suggestions on how you could channel your emotions without ruining your identity as a whole:
- Accept your Emotions: The first step towards appropriately channeling your emotions is to accept that you are human and that you feel things. As long as you don’t acknowledge the fact that there are times when you can feel low and other times when you might feel good about yourself and that both these emotions are alright to feel, you are bound to not progress.
- You might feel like you are a weak person if you acknowledge these emotions and act on them. However, it’s the complete opposite of that; you are the strongest when you learn to face these emotions and actually try to work with them in order to feel things in a less intense manner.
- Recognize what you are feeling: The next thing to do is to bracket your emotions for yourself, that is to say, pin down the emotions that you are feeling in that particular moment, it could be love, hate, anger, frustration, ego, individualism, literally any and everything. You just need to identify and understand what you are feeling; the rest you don’t have to worry about for a little bit. Once you recognize these feelings and emotions, the next step becomes easier.
- For instance, you are at the mall for some essentials, and you just returned from your job, which has not just exhausted you, but you feel frustrated as well because you got a scolding from your boss today for not sending the files in, on time. Now while you collected all your purchased items, a person bangs into you and drops everything you were carrying on the floor.
- Your first instinct would be to scream at the customer who made such a mess, considering the fact that you did not have the best day. Your second instinct would be to taunt the customer, to make them feel bad about themselves.
- In this situation, there’s a third perspective you could put into consideration as well, which is that of identifying what exactly you are feeling. From what the hypothetical situation holds, you are angry because your day wasn’t the best, you are frustrated that you had to come to get these essentials soon after work after such an exhausting day, and now you’re also mad that a fellow customer banged into you and dropped all your goods and added to all of the emotions you were already feeling.
- Breathe: Consider halting for a fair moment to catch your breath. Take a breather and actually breathe. What I mean when I say you need to actually breathe is that take a deep breath, five seconds would suffice, and not from your chest, you need to do this from your stomach, all the way in and then all the way out, after holding it.
- This might sound extremely weird, funny, stupid even, but it works wonders, and there’s a reason behind it too.
- In our lives, we are constantly looking for something, constantly working for something, running towards something, running from something, and within all of this chaos, we don’t stop to give a moment to ourselves, we don’t even stop and breathe, because if you do that you’ll have to face the fact that you’re just not doing enough, which is a fraudulent way of thinking.
- If you don’t give yourself a moment right now, you’re definitely not going to give yourself a moment a day, a year, a decade from now either, and you’ll look back and think how dumb of a decision you made when you decided to not stop and take all those breathers.
- Expression: You need to realize when and when you should not express your emotions. You might be stuck in situations that aren’t particularly favoring you, and you need to handle this situation without anyone helping you out with it in a rational manner. Let us consider a hypothetical situation.
- It’s an office setting, and you are being scolded by your boss because of a minor mistake you made, which you think should not have been a big deal, and that you did not deserve a scolding to such an extent.
- Your immediate thought process is to say something back to make your boss feel sorry about putting you in such an embarrassing position, but then again, they’re your boss, and reciprocating the same energy as them towards them, is simply going to ruin things for you in the whole process, and you might end up getting fired from your job itself.
- Now, you obviously are going to think in a more moral way, that your dignity matters more than your job and that the matter really wasn’t a big deal and they should have allowed you to get away with it, with a subtle notice, so that you didn’t repeat the mistake. However, at that moment, you’ll discover how you’re absolutely self-centered and not thinking about what the other person might be going through and the position they are in.
- So, your next step is to empathize with the person in front of you. You need to put into consideration the kind of situational circumstance they are a part of. They probably might have had a rough day themselves and subconsciously took all of this frustration out on you, without meaning to, of course, or they might have thought that the mistake you believed was not a big deal might have meant a great deal to them, and they are not wrong on their part if you think about it.
- Empathizing with the person before you is a means to understand their point of view and their perspectives on the same things you might have a different approach to and perspectives about.
- Once you’ve thought about all of these issues, the next part becomes way less difficult. All you have to do now is realize that you are well capable of handling your emotions the way you like, without getting hyper or aggressive and also, without feeling bad about how they subconsciously or consciously might have treated you.
- In fact, you could even ask them if they feel okay or if they aren’t having the best day particularly and whether they need something that would help them feel better. This not just helps strengthen and mend bonds; it also makes the other person realize that they might have wronged you somehow and would probably even apologize if they realize it quick enough.
- This also helps them understand their own emotions and introspect the things they are doing and how they might be affecting others.
- Impact: The way you react to your circumstances and situations impacts not just you but others as well, as mentioned in the previous step. If and when you take a more rational and subtle approach to certain situations, you manage to bring down the intensity of the atmosphere around you, calming things down, which benefits everyone in the room and is something you would most definitely be proud of sooner or later.
- Space: In the whole process where you try to discover your emotions, and who and what you are as a person when you are not in control of your emotions, the best thing to do is give yourself some time and space to recover, so as to not sabotage more things, ideas, and relationships than you already might have. It is not wrong or weak to feel certain things. Giving yourself some time and space helps you to deal with your emotions better. To get some time with these emotions, just be by yourself.
- Try doing activities that you enjoy, like painting, sketching, cooking, anything for that matter. This helps you get to your optimum state of mind and think rationally.
- Don’t suppress or repress your emotions: When we are upset or unhappy about certain things in life, we sometimes, without realizing it at that point, repress our feelings which slowly get bottled up inside of you, and you take that mess out in places that you shouldn’t and wouldn’t otherwise. Suppression is when you consciously try to avoid feeling things at any given point in time because you find it too overwhelming and too much to take in all at once and would rather not feel things.
- When you avoid your emotions, you are getting yourself into trouble whether you accept it or not, and the best way to avoid this is to accept, admit and get through the whole phase so that you can learn to deal with all of it in the long run.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q1. Is it a bad thing to be too emotional?
A1. I wouldn’t really say that it is bad to be too emotional, emotions can be overwhelming, and that’s totally understandable, but sometimes they do tend to get the better of you, and you cannot really control these emotions, and you don’t know what to do at that moment. What seems to be the easiest way out usually is to overreact, and that sort of puts you in situations you’d rather not want to be a part of.
- People who are too emotional, however, are also the ones who feel things too much and eventually tend to ruin their own mood and break their own hearts, this sort of spoils their mental health situation, and sometimes it might even get hard to recover from that kind of a position.
Q2. Should I visit a therapist for my mental health?
A2. If you feel like you are unable to control your emotions or handle the amount of stress that you have on your plate right now, it would be an intelligent and relevant decision to visit a therapist. Therapy is not always for people who are sick or who need medical guidance; it can also be for those who just need to speak with someone and let things out, this includes their feelings and emotions, and you do not need any kind of validation to do so. Many individuals assume that therapy is for people who are medically sick or incapable of controlling certain situations and feelings. However, that’s a myth. In fact, most people continue therapy for a very long time, sometimes their whole life, just because they feel like they need to meet up with someone and chat with them, and that’s not really wrong unless, of course, you’re considering the fact that therapy can, in fact, get pretty expensive sometimes.
Q3. Is emotional addiction real?
A3. Emotional addiction is a very real concept. Sometimes an individual gets so much into his own head that he starts to live in there and feels like there is no coming out of it. It is almost like a vicious cycle, a rollercoaster that just doesn’t stop, and when that happens, the individual tends to sooner or later get used to this cycle of their own emotions. To them, it seems as though everything that they feel and do is a pretty obvious reaction to any particular situation, and they start to get comfortable with this feeling. This is how a person gets addicted to his/her own emotions, and it slowly seeps into their personality, and it gets difficult to get out of it. The person becomes so comfortable with these emotions that they just cannot figure whether what they are doing is even rational, and it keeps getting worse if not sought medical attention or help.
Like any other addiction (for instance, alcohol or nicotine), emotional addiction as well becomes very difficult to give up on; it almost starts to feel impossible to cope with. This is not just bad for the individual who is addicted but also for the people around them, because the former could have fits of rage or something even worse, and sometimes situations like these get incredibly tough to handle, so it is best to visit a therapist or a psychiatrist if the affairs go out of hand.
Q4.What triggers an individual?
A4. There are a lot of things that can trigger and make an individual uncomfortable, and it is subjective in terms of persons. It usually is caused when a certain episode in somebody’s life is just too much to handle, and they come across a similar sort of situation later sometime in their lives and are reminded of that particular episode, this is when they are triggered, sometimes to the extent that they have a mental breakdown in the middle of the day at any given moment.
You might have noticed in many films there’s a TW sign somewhere, followed by the kind of situation that would occur in the film, i.e. when a scary and incredibly uncomfortable act of violence is due to be portrayed on screen.
The abbreviation TW stands for ‘Trigger Warning’ and is meant to be shown to the audience in order to warn them well in advance that the situation ahead might trigger them or make it excruciatingly painful for them to watch; This allows these individuals to choose not to watch or avoid that particular scene in the film or video or whatever the source may be.
Q5. Is meditation a way to avoid my feelings?
A5. Meditation is certainly NOT a way to avoid your feelings. On the positive side, it, in fact, is a really good way to cope with your emotions and calm down before you do something that you might regret later. Meditation has an incredibly calming and serene effect not just on your body but on your mind as well and works wonders. It not just helps you to think more efficiently but also makes you happier because of the serotonin boost.