Surprisingly the term does not translate to a 40-year-old man quitting his job, buying a sports car, and having an affair with someone way younger. Midlife crisis is a topic misleadingly stereotyped, often debated, and way different than the general perception of it.
Origins of The Midlife Crisis
We have all heard people using this term to describe someone in their 40’s taking reckless decisions. This differs not only from its origins but also from the various researches conducted afterward to understand what is a midlife crisis. In 1965 a psychoanalyst Elliot Jaques was the first who came up with the name midlife crisis. He analyzed the deaths of various geniuses like Shakespeare, Chopin, Mozart, and more. All of them had early deaths near their late 30’s. According to Elliot Jaques, not being able to accomplish as much as they imagined led to a midlife crisis which resulted in the early deaths. His theory also depicted that only men get to the point of a midlife crisis as women go through menopause. Needless to say over the years although the term got famous, his theories did not.
Later in a researcher named 1975, Daniel Levinson made this term more famous. In his opinion, a person’s life consists of several stable stages and in between these stages, there are some transitional phrases. His research included results from previous researchers and also his own. To understand this midlife transitional phase he observed 40 American men, all of whom were between the age of 35-45. He described it as the feeling of not being able to fulfill or accomplish the goals one set for themselves. And his solution for this was setting more achievable goals in life.
The U-curve is a relatively new theory that is based on a wide observation of millions of people from 50 countries. It suggests the high ends of the U-curve are the young and old age, when people are happier and in the middle, the happiness stat goes way low. Upcoming research on midlife crises might involve more long-term observation of the same set of people to understand all the aspects of this much-debated topic.
What is the midlife crisis?
There is no specific medical diagnosis of midlife crisis. Although many social and psychological studies have been conducted and those suggest that it is a phenomenon noticed in mature adults for several reasons. In simple words midlife crisis happens when either life becomes monotonous or even if we face a trauma like the loss of a loved one. We start to feel disappointed for not doing justice to the dreams of our younger selves. And sometimes the realness of loss makes us question everything we have done and everything we know. For some people, this overwhelming phase passes with time. And for some, it can cause depression. Because of all the questions about self-worth and dread feelings inside the mind.
What are the signs of a midlife crisis?
Although there are lots of opinions and explanations surrounding this topic. If we follow the studies that show midlife adults experiencing a dip. There are some signs common in most of these studies about Midlife crises,
- Losing Interest: You might feel less interested in the things that you were enthusiastic about before. For example, You wouldn’t feel the same passion about reading the same magazine you used to wait for.
- Self-Disappointment: Between the 40-60 sometimes a person might confront mortality up close. And they might start to feel less significant in the world. A sense of emotional crisis might emerge in this scenario.
- Physical Discomfort: Psychological and emotional issues have often shown signs of physical pain or discomfort. Body aches in the morning and during work even when medically everything is okay and you are not doing heavy manual work could be a sign of a Midlife crisis.
- Questioning Yourself: If all of a sudden you find yourself questioning every decision from the past and your current life situation, it could be a sign too. Although it is not just a negative thing. People have turned to new adventures and experiences because of questioning their life status and have risen glorious on the other side of their midlife crisis.
- Urge to do Something Reckless: You might feel like doing something risky and unusual to get rid of the dreadful feelings. It’s also considered a sign. This is where all the ‘sports car driving 40/45-year-old man’ and ‘starting an affair with someone young’ stereotypes come in. Mostly this urge to do something reckless doesn’t even result in anything too drastic.
- Sleeplessness at its Peak: It’s said that in midlife crises people tend to lose sleep. For women, menopause can also be a reason behind it. And also in men and women, it could be because of any other mental or physical illness. If you are facing sleeplessness regularly most definitely you should consult a doctor about it.
- Can’t Find Your Purpose: You might find yourself wondering about your purpose in the big picture. You don’t want to live in the shadows of minimal life. And I want to achieve something bigger. The food you eat seems less important than the food for the soul. This could be a sign too. And it can be a positive thing too, you can volunteer for a cause you believe in whenever you get time to satisfy your soul.
- Nostalgia: Remembering your school college days and the fresh experiences of young adulthood can also be because of this midlife dip. It does not necessarily have to be a sad thing, nostalgia can also make you a different kind of happy. Remembering the youth can also mean that you remember all the beautiful things you experienced.
- Mortality crosses your mind more often: Although we are aware of mortality from a young age, we don’t think about it every waking hour. When we are young we have a lot going on, dreams that are realistic or unrealistic, career, setting goals, visioning our future and so much more. But the more mature we are, the less unrealistic or unimportant things get into our minds. So bigger realities that have been in the subconscious might arise. Also, a trauma like losing a parent or someone close due to old age might make us more aware of the harsh reality of loss.
- Lack of ability to focus or make decisions: If you are in the middle of a midlife crisis a lot is going on in your mind. So many thoughts and dreadful feelings make it harder to focus on anything specific. And you might also face the struggle of self-doubt. In this scenario making a solid decision is tough. When you are already questioning everything, how to be certain about something new? If you find yourself in this scenario try a pro-con list, use a fresh pair of mind, ask someone you trust.
- Bored or Angered: Even if you are not able to find a valid reason you might either feel bored or angry most of the time. The emotional roller coaster can cause this kind of distress in someone’s mind.
How to overcome a midlife crisis?
- Gaining Knowledge: Accepting that it’s a really common phenomenon around the world can make us overcome the disappointment in ourselves. Reading and learning more about it can help with that.
- More Positive Surroundings: Yes, it is a really tough thing to do. Our brain is more biased towards negative thoughts, that’s why we have to push ourselves more towards the positive sides of things. Make a list of all the positive things that have happened in your life. If you cannot find anything because of the emotional storms inside of you, do something positive today. Maybe go for a run or donate old clothes, whatever little or big you can do to balance the thoughts inside of your head.
- Find a New Purpose: When self-worth is in question, so is our purpose in life. You might feel like there is none. But you have to come up with something new. Start learning a new skill and every time you feel low try to get yourself into the lessons that you are learning. You can indeed achieve success and happiness at any age, you have to stay stronger than you have ever been to achieve that.
- Share Your Feelings: I know it is hard to tell someone how painful it is for you. And trusting someone with your feelings seems scary when you are going through something. But if you collect all your bravery and share this with the closest people, it will become way easier to get through.
- Calculated Adventures: When the reckless side rises you have to be careful. Don’t do something negatively life-altering. Do try some adventure but never ignore safety. Keep your loved ones close and try new things with them to fulfill that monotonous void.
- Patience: A phase that makes you feel bad about yourself will seem longer than it is. In this scenario, you have to cling to patience. Because with time and positive efforts the midlife crisis will fade away and you will find your purpose again.
Is it a Myth or a Fact?
There are lots of dark clouds that surround this subject. There is no solid theory that everyone agrees about. There is a split between mental health professionals, researchers and thus a plethora of studies are done, still, it seems nothing is certain yet. Some suggest it’s a real mental health issue that can be seen among people in their mid-thirties to ’50s. where some researchers suggest that it’s a myth, as the aging brain is more mature than the young brain so a midlife dip because of age does not make sense. Some studies depict that although some people go through a dip and even severe depression in that exact age range, it’s not really because of the age, it’s a particularity about the situations specific to them.
On this subject professor of human development and family studies, David Almeida depicted that according to research the midlife crisis is a myth, only a small group of people reports having any definable crisis because of their age. He also said that people in that age range do not go through any crisis, The professor explained, “There are certain things that happen in mid-life that are stressful,” he added, “This is the time in life when you can develop chronic health problems, and you begin to lose loved ones, especially parents.”
According to a study by the University of California San Diego School of Medicine, the mental health of aging adults seems to get better with time. Dilip Jeste, Professor of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, director of Center on Healthy Aging UC San Diego said, “Their improved sense of psychological well-being was linear and substantial,” he also added, “Participants reported that they felt better about themselves and their lives year upon year, decade after decade.”
On the other spectrum, a German researcher has put some new light on this topic. In his 13 years long research on 23,000 people, he described that the midlife crisis has everything to do with expectations. According to the results, these feelings of not living up to our expectations will pass but sometimes the process is slow. So people start to feel disappointed after a certain period in life. Although when people get older they tend to be less affected by regret so the feelings of disappointment blur away with time.
The Stereotypes and Misinterpretations
Just like coconut is not a nut, stereotypes are not facts. In the stereotypes of this crisis a vague reference is taken from earlier research and made popular everywhere. We’ve all read, heard, or seen some extreme depictions of midlife crises. Movies, stories that promote stereotypes of this term are a lot more common than the actual studies and definitions. While researchers argue about the reality of it, people tell stories about how midlife crises caused an affair in an otherwise perfect marriage. Let’s go through some popular stereotypes:
- Happens to only men: This stereotype is the result of the earliest theories, which describe it as a man-specific condition. Even the studies at that time did not include any female participants. Psycho analyst Eliot Jaques even went on to say that because of menopause women don’t go through midlife crises. But more recent researchers include participants regardless of gender in their studies. It is a hollow stereotype that midlife dip occurs only to men.
- 40’s or Never: Earlier it was believed that only at the midpoint of life one suddenly starts to feel this gut-wrenching crisis. And because medical science was not as developed as it is now, life expectancy was way low in general, so mid-life was between the ages of 30-40. And now when life expectancy is around 80-100 for a healthy person so mid-life can range between age 30-60. And the concept of a middle point for an individual can never be determined specifically (yeah your psychic was lying), so only the general life expectancy can be taken into consideration in the related studies. So on your 40’th birthday if you buy a red sports car with your hard-earned money. And someone says “is this midlife crisis”, tell them your midlife has not even started yet, and now they can not sit in your sexy red car.
- It’s inevitable for all: No, it does not happen to all. It is the main reason behind all the debates and studies that do not support this theory. Only some people tend to feel the dreadful grips of a dip at a certain age. Their age range sometimes can be the same and other times vary. There is no specific study or theory that suggests everyone will experience a midlife crisis.
- There is no exit: The aging brain tends to regret less. So even if you have all the signs you will be over this phase with time. And if it gets too dark seek the help of a medical professional and they’ll help you overcome this. Even if you are busy, make a little time on your week offs and invest yourself in something that makes you happy.
- ‘I quit the job’: Quitting a job when someone turns 40 does not necessarily mean they are experiencing a crisis. It could be because of dissatisfaction, a brilliant startup idea, or love for leisure.
- Affair and/or Divorce: I think the highest times this term gets mentioned, is when someone starts an affair with a younger adult or gets divorced in their 40’s. According to the research, a life-altering event can push a person towards an emotional crisis. Meaning, an affair or divorce might not be the result of a midlife crisis but the cause for the crisis. Although it is not at all certain that the two scenarios will have any connections to the midlife dip whatsoever.
- Plastic Surgery: Going through plastic surgery in no way translates to a crisis. It’s a personal choice that a self-loving person can also make. Loving your natural look or wanting to change the way you look both are out of the category of good and bad. It might have something to do with feeling confident, a medical condition, or even just because they can. It is not just a result of a midlife crisis or lack of self-love in any way.
- Regretting every step: It is a common misconception that if you are regretting every past decision you must have a midlife crisis. Many individuals regret their decisions regardless of their age. A 25-year-old can have more regrets than an adult in their 40’s. Some researchers say that a person experiencing a midlife dip might question many aspects of their life, but again it’s not certain that it will. And regrets are almost universal; anyone can experience it, even a 5-year-old can regret not choosing chocolate ice cream over vanilla. The only difference with an adult is we can’t loudly cry about it.
- Life-altering or nothing: It is commonly believed that people will make life-altering extreme decisions while going through this dip. But in reality, it could be a minor feeling. Just a little overthinking might be the highest point of the phase. A few do take some dig steps around the said age range but it may or may not be related to the midlife crisis.
- If you’re sad: Not all sadness is related to the midlife dip. It could just be a situation-specific sad feeling. Overthinking about a negative incident, a sudden loss or any personal reason can make you sad. And you might start thinking about a new incident in no time. So feeling sad about something is not the same as experiencing a midlife dip.
The more you read about it the more complex it gets. Different professionals point in different directions. To get a more clear picture, long-term studies are required. A larger, gender-neutral group of participants from various socio-political sectors with different financial status are also important to understand all the key factors causing a midlife dip. As of now, we can safely say, although not everyone experiences this, some do tend to go through a dip after their young adult life passes and they find themselves in a more mature life scenario. I have heard people saying that they have the desire to stay as young as possible and growing old scares them because they are facing a midlife crisis. Then again that’s the definition of Peter Pan syndrome (a debate for another day). According to the studies conducted on this topic a person who feels like they have let down their younger self. This strong sense of disappointment can also lead to depression. So if you feel any signs of depression consult with a psychologist without any delay. You will need a lot of strength to get through this so keep your family or friends informed about what you are going through.